i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
