Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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