so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
