just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
