If that was your dad, he is hot
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
