In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This is classic penis vs brain.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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