is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize