Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
