My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We had sex on a dog bed..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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