yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
