we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
