all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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