Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
