This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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