The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i think i just lost a toe
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
