I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
