So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Please don't give away my fajitas
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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