i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
