I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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