I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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