Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
