"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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