DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
