I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
