Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
