Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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