You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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