He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
