hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Come share oat with me in your robe
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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