Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
