Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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