Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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