Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
