My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
