We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
this hospital has no fireball
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
