oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
