Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we're making bets on your personal life
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
