You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
