Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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