If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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