good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think my moral compass just broke
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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