Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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