i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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