She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
