...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
