There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
