Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
