I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I am mentally ready for anal.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
