Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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