why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
