Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
