I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think my moral compass just broke
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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