my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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