Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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