I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We have so much sex to catch up on
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
