weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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